


we don't talk together.

by 200percent_inlove



Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, Red Velvet (K-pop Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst, Love, Mutual Pining, Post-Break Up, Romantic Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23607643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/200percent_inlove/pseuds/200percent_inlove
Summary: Or, the alternative:The things that Yoongi and Seung-Hwanwantto say to each other after breaking up, but aren't brave enough to do so.
Relationships: Min Yoongi | Suga/Son Seungwan | Wendy, wenga
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	we don't talk together.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! First off, I hope you've all been well - although, that's probably easier said than done at the moment with how crazy the world's been. 
> 
> While I never want to start off this author's note so seriously, I feel like, with current world happenings, it has to be said. I really implore you guys to take care of yourselves and those around you, and to be safe. We're all in this together, and while this pandemic is going to put up a bit of fight for an unknown period of time, know that this will eventually be over and we'll overcome this. 
> 
> For those of you who may be essential workers - working in grocery stores as cashiers, stockers, customer service representatives - or even people who are working tirelessly to care for those who are ill and sick, thank you so much for all that you do and know that we appreciate you during these hard times much more than we could ever say. 
> 
> Now, with that off my chest, I just wanted to announce: I'M BACK WITH MORE ANGST. 
> 
> This story is very much inspired by [ this beautiful fancam taken of Yoongi during HEIZE's performance of We Don't Talk Together ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBa6M-I0uSU&t). ;~; He looks so incredibly wistful in this, and it makes me wonder why this song hits him so hard. Maybe he's thinking of all the hard work put into the song, or perhaps - is he thinking of the person that he wrote this for?
> 
> We'll probably never know - but because I'm a sadistic, cruel writer that enjoys writing angst, let's explore a bit more into that idea, shall we? ;) Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Just for a bit of background:   
> The premise of the story takes place ~late 2018 to 2019. 
> 
> Song Inspirations:
> 
> [Epik High - Lovedrunk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZztQRgbaXA)  
> [DREAMCATCHER Yoohyeon - It's Not That It Can't Work, It's Just Too Late](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40sjKex_nNA)

_i. “Did you cut your hair because of me?”  
  
  
  
_

There are a million things that Min Yoongi can prepare for: Repetitive interview questions that have been asked and answered one too many times (don’t these people ever get _bored_ of asking for favourite colours and cuisines?); tiring photoshoots that he continues to plaster his winning million-dollar smile for; drawn-out recordings for commercials and variety shows; complex, intricate choreographies; song lyrics and rap verses that he scribbles, scraps and scribbles again –

But there are some things in life that, try as he might, not even all the preparatory work in the world could _ever_ be enough to help him navigate through the tough curveballs that life likes to toss in his direction – such as, how does he recover from a twisted ankle _on stage_ when he’s in the middle of his verse, and there’s still a good minute and a half to go? Or, what else can be do – other than pathetically get in the way, his throat clenched, dry and uselessly void of sympathetic words – when two of his members are feuding over a snarky remark exchanged during times of high tension? 

And possibly the toughest curveball of all: How does one stop their insides (and subsequently, their heart) from crumbling into pieces when they see their ex, standing proudly in front of a fuchsia-pink billboard at an awards show, merely one month after an amicable break-up as if nothing’s wrong?

* * *

The answer is, Yoongi doesn’t know, and how he manages to sit through two hours at the Seoul Music Awards, with her presence so near that he can _taste_ the light hints of vanilla and honeysuckle that she’s routinely sprayed onto her wrist (for good luck, she claimed back then), is just one complex mystery after another.

Maybe it’s his pride at work, wanting to present this image of an unbreakable façade that he’s living just as well without her, but admittedly, if there’s one thing that she’s doing better than him, it’s that she taking very good care of herself.

She looks good – no, not just good. Great. _Stunning_. Dazzling as always – but really, that’s not much of a surprise to anyone, because when did she _never_ shine? She sang ‘ _shine on me_ ’ during their debut performance, for God’s sake. But then again, that’s the duality of Son Seung-Hwan: she never fails to hit her parts and do them all justice, both on and off stage.

That’s why, Jimin isn’t all that surprised when he catches Yoongi, breathless and awestruck, watching her pose against the tacky backdrop with a polite, camera-ready smile, charming the red carpet in that casual off-shoulder top.

That’s why, when Jung-Kook finds Yoongi’s knees buckling in weakness, jelly-like and shaky, at the sight of her, mingling with her younger labelmates in an all-black ensemble that practically screamed Wendy Son, wearing her unique idol looks confidently with the briefest hints of make-up, the younger man knows better than to tell him off for zoning out like the lovesick fool that he is.

That’s why, against his better judgment, Nam-Joon _chooses_ to let Yoongi sit in their private dressing room for just a few minutes longer. Not because his body needs the extra rest, but because he knows that the older man wants to watch the remainder of Red Velvet's special stage for Really Bad Boy in peace.

And that’s why, when their performance ends and Yoongi is scrambling to pull on his tuxedo jacket while sprinting for his life to find his members but instead, crashes clumsily into the one person that he’s been observing from afar the entire night, he’s completely taken aback. Completely unsure of how to approach when she’s up close and personal.

( _Too_ close for comfort, he thinks.) 

Just like a meteor colliding into the Earth, he’s just as unprepared for the impact of the crash when she chooses to speak first. Her words are murmured, from a pair of lips that he’s once kissed, from a sweet, dulcet voice that had once serenaded him: “I’m so sorry. Are you alright?”

* * *

Slow on the uptake, Yoongi does nothing but blink.

He blinks once, just to make sure that this isn’t an alternative reality, where he’s set in the role of a male lead in an angst-fueled romantic drama with a guaranteed happy ending.

Twice, just to make sure that the person standing in front of him is, indeed, her – but who else would be as gentile as her, anyway, mumbling apologies left and right when they weren’t even necessary? Frankly, not many people with a personality like _that_ come to mind.

And thrice, because now that he’s looking at her – **_truly_** looking at her, drinking her in like the most fragrant wine that leaves him dizzily intoxicated – it’s only now that he realizes how _strange_ it was to see the ends of her hair sitting at her collarbones. It’s not that the shaggy bob doesn’t suit her; it **_does_**. It frames the soft angles of her face; curls delicately in the right places; brings out the light tints of chestnut in her eyes that the heavy bangs never managed to do. Perfectly suited for her carefree, tomboyish self.

Yet, the timing of it all is suspiciously too perfect. Too intentional to call it a mere coincidence. And sure, maybe this is him being a bit too self-absorbed and self-indulgent for his own good, but how can he _not_ question it when she was wearing her hair down to her waist during Gayo Daejun just a few weeks back before things ended the way they had? It's ridiculous not to assume that there wasn't any correlation to what had transpired just a month earlier - 

But before he can spiral any deeper down the rabbit hole, he draws in a sharp breath, yanking hard on the brake to stop the endless train of thought coursing through his mind. 

_That’s enough of that._

Yoongi chokes back a hardened laugh, hoping to disguise it as a strange sneeze or a failed attempt at clearing his throat as she watches his every move intently. From the way he swallows his words, to the way that he keeps his jaw clamped firmly tight to prevent himself from saying anything recklessly stupid: Yoongi knows to be wary.

And that’s why, despite Yoongi’s heart fluttering in an uncomfortably erratic rhythm against his chest – a little messy, a little confused and _much_ too curious, full of desire to bombard her with taboo questions, to scrutinize her life choices and why she does this and that – he chooses his words carefully.

Because there’s too much at stake. And standing here, face-to-face like this, already poses a high risk in of itself. 

So in the end, Yoongi settles on a statement that he expresses plainly, in typical Yoongi-esque fashion that pulls the corners of her lips into a warm smile: “Seung-Hwan, you cut your hair.”

“Ah.” She laughs, but being together with someone for two years teaches invaluable lessons. For one, Yoongi knows her well enough to recognize that airy exhale as fake. Unnatural to the ear, tinged with a forcefulness that he detects as discomfort. She tucks a stray strand behind her hair – something that _he_ used to do – as she explains matter-of-factly, “Yes, I did. I know, it looks somewhat odd to see me with this kind of cut rather than my usual, but my stylist suggested that it would look good on me. She calls it a ‘ _sharming_ ’ cut.”

The sarcastic air quotes she adds draws an eruption of amused chuckles that reverberates through his chest, dissolving quickly into the tense air surrounding them. “Well, she didn’t name it wrong. It is ‘ _sharming_ ’. She did a very good job. It suits you.”

Yoongi hopes that it's just a trick of the light, but the longer he stares, the more he thinks that it's a beautiful flush of pink, creeping up the sides of her neck and blooming underneath all that foundation. Ah, shit. There he goes again, unintentionally making mistakes when he ought to be more cautious. Yoongi shouldn’t have said that. There are varying degrees of appropriateness when it came to complimenting a past girlfriend, but when it came to someone like Seung-Hwan - someone who thrived on words of encouragement, who glowed when provided with loving words of affirmation - he should've known that this would be too much for her to take in one go. _Much_ too inappropriate to say merely thirty days after what had happened.

So, he adds quietly in hopes of rescuing the stilted conversation from further unease: “Great job out there. RBB captures your group’s concept perfectly.”

And lo and behold, it seems to work, because Seung-Hwan visibly relaxes, and the redness fades as quickly as it comes. Strangely enough, it doesn’t make him feel any better, but he tries to pretend that it does.

“Thank you so much.”

The two-minute conversation _should've_ ceased after that, but Seung-Hwan has always been that type of girl who insists on remaining overly helpful, friendly and cordial - even to an ex who truly doesn't deserve her kindness, and that's why she decides to clench her outstretched hands into encouraging fists, saying enthusiastically, “But um, I won’t keep you! BTS is performing next, right? If so, you’re at the wrong side of the hall."

"Oh, uh, yes - "

"You just need to make a left," she instructs, nodding towards the opposite end of the crowded hallway. "And then turn right. I think I saw Jung-Kookie freaking out over where you were." 

It's funny; Seung-Hwan always knew how to read his mind without prompting him to ever say anything - 

“Hurry. Don’t keep them waiting." She smiles once more. "I'll be cheering you guys on." 

(Even now, where bad habits have yet to be abandoned and broken.) 

“I won’t.”

Without any more words exchanged, Seung-Hwan departs first, still wearing that picture-perfect grin on her face, fleeing from him with her hair bouncing playfully against her shoulders to rejoin her members in their dressing room.

Yoongi briefly pauses, wondering if she would've said anything about their exchange behind closed doors.

* * *

Yoongi tries not to think much more of their sudden meeting when he finally joins up with the rest of his group, letting them badger him annoyingly with nosy questions of "Where were you?! Did you get your head stuck in the toilet or something?!"

Instead, he tries to erase that image of her - her, with that encouraging smile that she casts his way, as courteous colleagues should, and the shoulder-length bob - when the music begins and the sound system blares out, " _You can't stop me loving myself."_

Instead of overthinking the potential what-ifs, complicating things and making mountains out of molehills for himself, he chooses to concentrate on the booming percussion, on executing their formations perfectly. He chooses not to listen to his heart. Chooses not to search through the flurry of confetti for the girl who wished him well just moments prior. Chooses not to meet her eyes that seemed alight with pride. 

In the end, Yoongi chooses not to take advantage of his final opportunity to ambush Seung-Hwan backstage with his questions. Rather, he chooses to convince himself that this change had absolutely nothing to do with their separation, that girls were allowed to do whatever they pleased with their hair, and that this was merely a change that _just_ so happened to fit their most recent comeback.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

(And absolutely - _absolutely_ \- it has nothing to do with him, projecting words that he regrets saying.)

* * *

_ii. “Are you over me?"  
_

Seung-Hwan excels at many things; that's why they call her a jack-of-all-trades.

When she’s at her best, she’s pitch-perfect. When she’s at her best, she knows exactly what type of voice to use to execute that high note flawlessly. When she’s at her best, she’s perfectly capable of sustaining her tone while dancing to hard-hitting choreography as intense as Dumb, Dumb. During her good days, there’s little to critique and much to praise her for, because she’s just _that_ terrific of an idol.

But the thing about Seung-Hwan is, she’s _not_ perfect. She has her fair share of bad days, too.

On her bad days – which have started to crop up much more often than she would like, for personal reasons that she shouldn't be bringing into the studio – her falsettos and runs end up sloppy. On days where she's not feeling so great, she’s not consistent with her breathing and relies heavily on the background vocals to support her. And on days where she wakes up and feels like she's hit rock-bottom, she goes through the motions of their rehearsals and dance practices with her mind on autopilot. Remaining on tempo is completely out of question, and God knows how many times she had to apologize to Seulgi for holding them back.

Today is one of those bad days, for a multitude of reasons.

First, the weather outside is warm and sunny. It's the ideal Spring afternoon, where she would much rather be spending her time on a tranquil bike ride along the Han River, admiring the cherry blossoms that are now in full bloom. Instead, she’s trapped inside a stuffy, suffocating arena with thousands of fans - most of whom are carrying the recognizable orbed lightstick that she was gifted many months back, but has now stuffed in a cardboard box somewhere alongside other trinkets and knick-knacks that she rarely uses anymore. It's an ethereally beautiful sight, watching the sea of white and periwinkle-blue illuminate the pitch-black darkness of the venue like gleaming fireflies, but the beauty of it quickly fades, dissipating into bittersweet nothingness that lingers harshly at the back of her tongue.

Second, the attire she's wearing for this awards show is magnifying her insecurities. The shirt she's wearing is tight - too tight, if she's being honest - nearing on translucent as it reveals skin in a sexily discreet way. Her stylist insisted that it looks great; Seung-Hwan, though, doesn't quite agree. And it seemed as if _he_ shared the same sentiments, too, because he shot her this piercing stare of distaste _right_ when she sat down. Maybe she's thinking too much (and she probably is), but she insisted on wrapping the bottom half of her body in a warm blanket, despite the humidity, hoping that it would be more than enough to draw as little attention to herself as possible.

And third (if it wasn't already obvious), it's because she’s having a particularly rough time processing the turbulent wave of emotions that rushes through her when she sees Min Yoongi on April 24th: just a few days short of what would've been their third anniversary.

* * *

It's crazy, heartbreaking and saddening all at once to think that Min Yoongi - someone who she used to spend every leisurely hour, every waking moment with; someone she once considered a necessary presence; someone that she once believed that she couldn't exist without - has now become nothing but a mere acquaintance that she sees every few months or so. 

But that should make _this_ \- that is, coping with their break-up, a lot easier, shouldn't it? 

As it turns out, though, it's not, because it's been four months.

Four months of this nonsense, and still - it doesn't get any easier.

Seung-Hwan thought four months would've been more than enough time to teach her how to unlove Min Yoongi. And honestly? She _thought_ she was making good progress. She cut off the overbearing weight tying her down for a fresh start in the New Year; she was taking the corrective measures in protecting her heart by deleting his steady stream of text messages one by one (because progress is something that cannot be rushed, and takes time), by hiding their Polaroids that had captured and spanned two years of happiness, and by throwing all of their matching couple items (accessories, jewelry, phone cases, and the works) into the nearest donation bin.

But when she sees him, his hands folded, legs crossed and lips pressed together into a firm line in that nonchalant manner as if nothing fazes him, whatever she's done to help the healing process comes undone like loosely tied ribbon. And whatever hurt she's managed to repress ends up seeping through the cracks. 

Like that moment when they were preparing to announce Artist of the Year, and the camera suddenly pans towards her. While it's second nature to her now, to smile for the lenses despite it being awkwardly intrusive and she doesn't feel like it, things just end up ten times worse when she sees him, sitting a few feet behind, doing the same: smiling amusedly at the witty banter between the two presenters.

Yoongi has never been the type of person to smile much, even though she's chided him time and time again that something so naturally beautiful shouldn't be kept hidden away from the world. So, while it's nice to see that toothy grin make an appearance, there's an agonizing part of her that wonders, _how do you do it?_ _How can you smile when **I** feel like a knife has been plunged into my chest? _

Or that moment when Jun Hyeon-Moo decided to inquire Red Velvet about plans for upcoming album releases, Seung-Hwan decides to play the diplomatic role and respond tactfully. Out of the corner of her eye, though, she takes notice of his facial expression as she answers: bored, stiff and completely indifferent. Like he didn't care. Like he couldn't give more than two shits.

Still, she ignores that cruel twinge in her chest and sighs in relief when the cameraman decided to shift the attention onto Joo-Hyun right after. She needed a second of privacy - fleeting as it may be - to keep her fragile sanity intact.

And look, it's not like Seung-Hwan _wants_ to torture herself this way, but everything that she's witnessed - his mannerisms, his behaviour. Well, what else is there to say about it?

Like it or not, Yoongi's _probably_ over her by now.

Those fingers that she's once interlaced are _probably_ entwined between somebody else's now. Those lips - chapped, dry and, wait, is he applying lip balm in the **_middle_** of an awards show? - have _probably_ kissed somebody else now. Those arms, and that chest that she's once embraced - _probably_ belong to somebody else now.

Point-blank.

Case closed.

And honestly, why should she care so much when he doesn't? God, she ought to stop before she digs an even deeper grave for herself.

* * *

(Except, she's wrong.)  
  
  


Shockingly enough, Seung-Hwan manages to make it through their performance without any disasters. But now. 

Now is where the final test truly begins.

All of the artists have gathered on stage for a group photo, and the photographer is mentally calculating the best positions for each respective group to get their rightful amount of spotlight: BTS, he proclaims, should be stationed at the front (of course, who else is more deserving of that spot?). A big group like TWICE should take the middle stage. iKON can stand to the left, and MAMAMOO (being on the taller end) should go to the right. 

As for Red Velvet - 

He clicks his tongue against his teeth, clapping his hands together to announce, " ** _Right_** behind BTS, if you please!" 

Seung-Hwan's body immediately freezes. It's like Lady Luck didn't _want_ her to catch a break, but there's little time to dawdle and bemoan about her misfortunes as she watches the others get into position. In the spur of the moment, she decides on a precarious spot and kneels. Not too close, not too near - at least a good foot away from his physique. And if fortune can offer her even the tiniest grain of sympathy, then they'll cut her some slack, and offer her an easy way out to escape backstage when this is over, unscathed and unharmed.

She just needs to get in and get out. Smile. Pose a peace sign. Get in, and get out. _Get in, and get out before_ \- 

"Wendy- _sshi_."

Nevermind that. He's always one step ahead, while she lingers, always two steps behind.

Her heart leaps out of its chest at the gruff, mellifluous greeting, and she closes her eyes shut for a moment. It's such a bizarre experience, to hear that strained suffix added to her name when he used to call her ' _Hwannie-yah_ '. But now isn't the time to reminisce over fond, loving nicknames, is it?

Seung-Hwan tells herself: If Yoongi can approach her - in this diplomatic, mannerly way - then, so can she. 

So, she gathers herself to the best of her ability, brushing dust and lint off her shorts while slowly getting to her feet. Already, she's failing incredibly hard at the task at hand - her right leg feels numb, and God knows the _last_ thing she needs is to limp in front of him. 

(Or worse, _fall_ into his arms and have it captured on somebody's mobile. Wouldn't _that_ be something that the world would want to feast their eyes on? A one-way ticket onto Dispatch's front page - joy.)

"Hi." She braces herself as a swordsman would - only, she's equipped with a weak, penetrable shield that would shatter upon the slightest impact. But if she doesn't set herself up for failure by asking unnecessary questions, then she _should_ be alright. She starts off the conversation with something basic. Something easy that would never give anything away. "How are you?"

She can't lie to herself. Yoongi _is_ incredibly handsome today: the shade of light-gray meshes perfectly with the sky-blue suit jacket. He's always had an eye for colour coordination, while she just threw together pieces and made it work with the right amount of sass and attitude. 

He nods curtly. "I'm good." 

And then, he springs a surprise on her by uncurling his fist. Sitting, right in the middle of his outstretched palm, is a single earring. It's an elaborate, peculiar piece of dangly jewelry; perhaps a bit too flashy and extravagant for anything else, other than a fancy ceremony. It's speckled with red and rose-gold and tied together at the base with three lucent crystals. The longer Seung-Hwan stares at it, though, the more familiar it seems. Where had she seen it before? 

_Oh. It's mine._

A surprised gasp escapes her lips as she throws her left hand up, panicked at the lack of heaviness that she only detects now. "My - _ah_." 

Yoongi's mouth is tugged back into something that either resembles lighthearted teasing or mockery when he presses the earring into her unoccupied right hand. Seung-Hwan tries to discount the fact that he immediately retracted his hand once it fell into her grasp with a gentle _plop,_ keeping the physical contact to a minimal degree. "Tae-Hyungie found it first, but he just put it back on the ground after showing Jimin." He shrugs, offhanded and casual. "I just thought you'd like to have it back. Wouldn't want your stylist giving you hell for losing something so expensive, right?"

Seung-Hwan hears nothing. Nothing but petty excuses that her brain pushes aside, because be that as it may - it just didn't make any cohesive sense.

How could he have known, when there were dozens of beautiful girls chatting merrily behind them, wearing similar items? Why did this particular item - an earring, no less, that could've been tossed to the side, left behind, forgotten and swept up in the bags of garbage - _have_ to be hers? And she's not sure what instigated her to be so brash and bold, in a public venue no less, amongst thousands of watchful eyes that would be keeping tabs on their every step, every bow and every conversation.

But she does, displaying her newfound confidence without shame. 

"I appreciate it, Suga- _sshi_." Seung-Hwan pockets the earring, and his eyelid twitches ever so slightly when she refers to him by his stage name. "But, how did you know it was mine? It could've been anyone."

"Well, I - " 

She holds her breath - _one, two, three,_ she counts - as she watches Yoongi slowly, but surely comes undone before her eyes. She hasn't seen him struggle over a predicament in a long while, and that's the thing about him, too: it rarely ever happens. Yoongi is the most levelheaded person known to existence. Never the type to let anything get the best of him because he claims it to be 'uncool'. 

("And if there ever comes a time where I lose all poise in front of you, Hwannie- _yah_ , just bury me in my grave," he groaned, burying his head into the crook of her neck during one Sunday afternoon. "I don't think I could ever stand the embarrassment.") 

But today, it's written all over his face: there's the furrow in his eyebrows that tends to manifest whenever he was having a stressful time with his composing. There's his hands to, digging deep into the pockets of his trousers to hide the perspiration coating the exposed skin in a thin, shiny layer. 

And lastly, there's him: struggling to keep his gaze on hers; struggling to string together a plausible explanation in between the brief interjections of _'um'_ , _'oh'_ and _'uh'_ as to why. It's always the _why_ that is the most difficult to answer, isn't it?

"...I kind of - "

"Yes?"

_Say it. Say it, you coward._

But she shouldn't have expected so much.

Deflated and defeated, Yoongi's arm finally falls flat against his side, just like his answer that he mumbles, ashamed: "I just noticed. That's all."

_Just noticed._

"Just noticed," she quotes, almost in disbelief. Her stomach lurches. " _Just_ noticed, huh?" 

There's more that she would've said if she were offered the chance. Maybe slap the nonsense out of him and scold him for telling her _yet_ another white lie. 

But she remembers that there are dozens of spotlights beaming from overhead; there are background characters, shuffling behind them, completely unaware of the situation unfolding; there's a crowd, observing them from below that has yet to disperse. And she remembers that it's not just _her_ who's an idol, but he is too, and she can feel the disturbing heat burning in her back from the stares that their fanbase is stabbing into her figure.

So, she says nothing else, settling for a neutral, "I see" before turning on her heel. But because this _is_ an awards show, after all, she doesn't leave just yet. Rather, she tilts forward at a slight angle, presses her palms together and gives him a quiet round of applause.

"Well, anyway. Congratulations on your big win tonight. It's well-deserved."

The tight-lipped smile – or would that be called a grimace? – he casts her direction is heart-shattering, to say the least.

And the muted words that slip off his lips afterward – even more so.

“Seung-Hwan. Thank you.”

* * *

That night, Seung-Hwan left the arena with two things.

An award, and an answer to an unsaid question that leaves her heart heavy.

* * *

_iii. "Do you know that I still write about you?"_

Yoongi doesn’t quite remember when he had said it. It was probably during their third date, where their topics of conversation had shifted from favourite musicians and artists to something much more personal, like ideal types and dating strategies (or in Yoongi's case, a lack thereof, but he digresses). It was also there that he recalls sharing a brief conversation with her - which Tae-Hyung likes to classify said discussion as a 'ten-minute verbal warning' - that he has never been, and will never be the most romantic person out there.

It’s not that he doesn’t care, he tried to explain then, scrubbing his hair here, there and everywhere as he voiced out his frustrations. And no, he's not acting aloof on purpose - a woman's wrath is the last thing he needed to add to his never-ending list of troubles.

If someone asked him to write lyrics about societal issues, troubled youth or mental health struggles, he could pen something within thirty minutes with no questions asked. It's probably not his best work, but it'll make it onto their next album as a B-Side. 

But affection? Romance? _Flirting_? Hell, the fact that Ho-Seok managed to drag him out of the studio to _meet_ Seung-Hwan in the first place was already a god-damned _miracle_. 

(She laughed, choking for a good five minutes on their shared _patbingsu_ when he confessed this without remorse.

And Yoongi, in turn, relished in how her cheeks grew so full and red from listening to his snide quips. She simply had the most entertaining reactions.)

Adding on, he's not perceptive. He's not capable of mind-reading, despite his high school exes' overly dramatic claims that he should learn how to ( _like_ , what?). He refuses to pick up on hints and subliminal messages because he's direct, blunt-as-a-knife and prefers working out problems together by properly communicating: something that teenagers didn't quite comprehend. 

"And I'll admit," Yoongi finished, digging his straw into the last bits of his melting grapefruit slush. "Work takes precedence for me." He remembered that Seung-Hwan was wearing a look of deep contemplation on her face when he stated, "I don't have much time to waste on - you know, going on dates." 

"But you still decided to crawl out of that rock of yours and return to civilization to see me, though." 

"That's - well." Yoongi blanched at her forthright words because goodness knows how long it's been since a girl had managed to catch him off guard like that. Flustered and hot, he hoped that she misread the tomato-red tinge for a heat rash underneath the humid August night sky. 

" _Well_?"

"Well, you're - you're an _exception_ , alright?"

"An exception." She paused, wiping her tongue against her bottom lip before murmuring amusedly, "I'll take it."

And an exception she was, because in spite of his caution, it fell on deaf ears.

Seung-Hwan decided to stick around when he asked her out for a fourth date, where he learned that she wasn't the greatest with directions and Google Maps, but had a voracious appetite and a palette catered to _samgyeopsal_ and _bossam_. He watched her devour lettuce wrap after lettuce wrap and subsequently found it very admirable that she didn't try to fake a persona whenever she spent time with him. 

Then, a fifth date, where he learned random tidbits and factoids her. Through banana milk and _bungeoppang,_ she talked about how music has always played a pivotal role in her life, even during childhood. How funny; it's as if their early years were mirrored. She spoke highly of her parents and her older sister and shared a touching anecdote on how she's so thankful for the Red Velvet members. "I don't think I would've survived this topsy-turvy life of an idol for this long if it weren't for them. They're literally like my second family."

Honestly, Yoongi felt as though he could've listened to her speak for hours on end about everything and anything - and it _still_ wouldn't be enough time. 

And then, a sixth date came around, where Yoongi courageously tested the waters by bumping his hand against Seung-Hwan's - and every single time, she reciprocated by lacing her pinky around his for a good five seconds (yes, he counted) before letting go.

When Jung-Kook asked him, "Well, what did it feel like, _hyung_?", Yoongi replied simply.

"You know how movies and books always talk about that elusive spark? Well. It exists."

And it was on the seventh date - with a more-than-irritated Nam-Joon raising his voice at the thunderstruck man, shouting, "I'm not letting you into this dormitory until you ask her to be your girlfriend, Yoongi- _hyung_! I've had enough with you getting worked up over how gorgeous her eyes are, or how great she looks in Adidas sweatpants. Because if you aren't noticing, **_I'M NOT HER_**! Tell her that _yourself_! Now, go! Get going!" - that Yoongi _finally_ made her his.

Fortunately for him, she agreed. 

* * *

Generally, Yoongi doesn't believe in the phenomenon of _opposites attract_. He used to think of it as a cliche, exploited one too many times in romantic comedies that made his fingers curl and his stomach twist in disgust.

But being with Seung-Hwan - someone that he's always considered a gigantic contrast compared to him - had made him think otherwise. 

Being with Seung-Hwan reminded him of his adolescence spent by the sea, carefree and full of childlike innocence. Being with Seung-Hwan made him realize that material goods weren't necessary when open arms and a single, comforting smile were more than enough to help evaporate his troubles away. Being with Seung-Hwan reminded him that, despite how awful and cruel the world could be at times, good things _still_ existed.

Being with Seung-Hwan made him feel complete. Like he was constantly drifting on cloud nine.

Like he was **_home_** again.

But it puzzled him, too, because - why? _Why_ does she bother to stick around someone like him, despite his shortcomings?

She laughed - a sound as clear as a whistle, a sound that he would never tire of - when he asked this on one of their rare days off because it's just _so_ unlike him to be that bashful. 

"I like you." Her tone was noncommittal, and her delicate features gave nothing away as Yoongi held his breath, waiting for her reply. "For your honesty."

"Oh, yeah? Then I'll be as brutally honest as you want me to be. I didn't like Russian Roul - ow! _**Hey!**_ "

"Criticizing my groups' concepts is completely out of the question!" She chastised, playfully tugging on the lobe of his ear.

"Okay, alright, I **_get_** it!"

Seung-Hwan listed other qualities, too. Qualities like his passion for music, his unspoken kindness that was reflected in his minute gestures and actions, his ability to empathize with her struggles and to know exactly when she needed well-intentioned advice versus just a shoulder to nuzzle against - 

Yoongi was only half-listening at that point, but even though the afternoon sun was pulling him into a drowsy, half-conscious state, he still managed to catch the last bits of her speech. "And above all else, I feel like," she finished softly, finally. One bleary eye pops open as she said affectionately, "You manage to bring out the best in me."

 _ **I** do? Really? _Yoongi chuckled, burying his head into her shoulder, his laughter rumbled through her system like a tremor.

"Don't laugh!" Miffed, she pursed her lips together into an immature pout - or was she gnawing on them, fearful of his reaction? "Do you not believe me?" 

No. **No** , that's not it. He's amused - partly because of embarrassment, partly because he never knew Seung-Hwan could be so candidly honest - but mostly because, Yoongi felt that the complete opposite held true. Rather, it was _her_ that brought out the best in _him_.

Yoongi doesn't tell her that, though, ending their conversation with a gentle kiss against her temple to pacify her complaints. Because he's never been too great with words, he chooses to express his thoughts through music and melodies.

And that's why, when BTS releases Love Yourself: Her just a few months later and she's working her way slowly through the tracklist ("Masterpieces have to be enjoyed, Yoongi- _oppa_! Don't rush me!"), Seung-Hwan questions whether there's a particular reason why Yoongi asked her for her thoughts on Best of Me.

She put the CD on pause, removing her earphones precariously. Biting her lower lip to keep herself from grinning from ear-to-ear. " _Oppa_ , correct me if I'm wrong but, are you trying to tell me something here?"

Yoongi disclosed nothing, wearing nothing but a mysterious smile. 

"You'll just have to figure that out on your own. You're smart, aren't you?" 

* * *

And the truth is, it doesn't just stop there.

Yoongi doesn't write one song about her; he writes many. It's unfortunate that many of them never see the light of day - simply because they don't fit the mold of their concept anymore (since it's less about finding first loves and romance, and more about self-love and acceptance), but Yoongi's satisfied when a fair few ends up making it onto their next two albums. Seung-Hwan tells him that Love Maze is her favourite.

And in the present day - nearly five months later - not much has changed in this regard: Yoongi continues to write songs about her on the daily. He doesn't tell anybody this, but it's therapeutic to have an outlet to express the things that he wishes to say the most. But it's not like they can ignore the gigantic elephant in the room when everybody can tell that all of his tracks are orbiting around the same person. The lyrics recycle through the same few themes, too: heartache; break-ups; mutual pining; longing.

Bang Si-Hyuk firmly believes that they'd make a great addition to their next record, but Yoongi -

Yoongi declines, folding his arms against his chest with a no-nonsense frown on his face. These tracks are still too personal, too _precious_ , to have their backstory revealed to the world _just_ yet. He doesn't tell Bang Si-Hyuk that, though, choosing to keep his reasoning simple.

"And just because I'm saying no _now_ doesn't mean no forever," he explains to his disgruntled CEO. "Someday."

Someday, he proclaims, when he thinks they're capable of capturing the essence of their next image. 

Someday, when he's perfected them to the best of his ability. 

Someday, when - 

Jimin is the first one to speak, breaking the stilted silence a few minutes after Bang Si-Hyuk leaves the meeting room. 

Quietly, timidly, he mumbles: "When you're actually over Seung-Hwan- _noona_ , maybe."

And Yoongi doesn't bother arguing against him, because as much as he doesn't want to confront the truth, it's true.

* * *

_iv. "It's almost been a year, and I know I don't have any right in asking this, but do you miss me as much as I miss you?"_

There's a time and place for everything.

Shaved ice, for example, is best suited for heatwaves that tend to plague South Korea during the Summer, while ice-cream can be eaten at any time of the year. Trench coats, on the other hand, are only appropriate during Springtime and Fall. Cutesy songs - like SoYou and Junggigo's 'Some' - should only be listened to a week or two before Valentine's Day. 

And break-up songs, Seung-Hwan firmly believes, should not be released during Summer. Well, at least, that's how she _initially_ feels when the news bulletin drops on Naver that HEIZE and Yoongi were confirmed to be working together on the title track for her next album. 

Summer is a season for festivities; a season, short-lived as it may be, that brings sunshine, warmth and all things pleasant. She knows this firsthand, so how in the fucking _world_ is a break-up a pleasant experience? Then again, this is _HEIZE_ that they're talking about: HEIZE, who shot to instant fame after the release of 'Don't Know You'. And hey, didn't she release that sometime in the Summer three years ago, too? It performed incredibly well, beating out the likes of BLACKPINK and MAMAMOO on the charts. Maybe Seung-Hwan's being too critical - 

(Maybe it's just her, being too nitpicky over a technicality as small as that. And probably her, being too jealous that she has the opportunity to sit beside him. To work alongside him. To sing one of the priceless gifts that he had promised her before.) 

Seung-Hwan tries her hardest _not_ to follow the news leading up to the album release. She ~~(un)~~ successfully ignores the brief interviews that HEIZE gives on how her experience collaborating with Yoongi was like -

> _"He was really nice. Thank you, Min PD."  
>    
>  _

An uncontrollable surge of pride rushes through her when she hears his nickname. She doesn't express it outwardly, but it's so wonderful, seeing him do what he has always been set out to do. He was destined to be a producer; Seung-Hwan expected nothing less.

Eventually, though, the last week of June approaches and something is stirring uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach when the date of HEIZE's album release nears. But she tries to suppress the bundle of nerves. It's bearable. Even if it hurts, she _will_ make this bearable. She can take this, so long as she doesn't deliberately seek out any more articles to read or watch any more unnecessary interviews. Right? **_Right_**?

(Wrong.)

Seung-Hwan unintentionally finds out that the song is titled 'We Don't Talk Together', and when she skims through the words of the article that explains the premise of the song ("A captivating break-up track, based upon their personal experiences of love and lost -")

She immediately loses all colour in her face, _petrified_.

Concerned, Joo-Hyun and Soo-Young ask her if she's okay when they hear her squeak of surprise. She fumbles with her answer: a stammer of an unconvincing 'yes', and escapes into the emergency exit stairwell. She needs a moment to herself to recuperate - 

And a rather long break to convince herself that not _every_ single thing that he does - big or small - is about her. Since when has she become this egocentric? God. 

When YouTube decides to put the thirty-second music video teaser on the front page, Seung-Hwan uses Ailee's newly-released Room Shaker as a distraction instead. Her logic is, the less she sees, the more it'll dampen her nosiness and make her lose interest in it altogether. There are greater things to focus on, aren't there? Like the upcoming Soribada Music Awards, or their promotions for their back-to-back comeback trilogy with 'The ReVe Festival', or the fact that she's due for a trim with her hairstylist soon (it's starting to curl at the ends) - 

Then again, resistance has never been Seung-Hwan's strong suit. 

* * *

When she hears it the first time, Seung-Hwan closes her eyes and immediately recognizes this to be Yoongi's work. It has his personality written all over it.

The track begins with an eerily beautiful harmony played from an old church organ, followed by light percussion, crunchy snapping and dreamlike synths in the background. It's so like Yoongi to start his songs with something unique to captivate the listeners' attention, and to have it juxtaposed alongside HEIZE's saccharinely sweet vocals: Seung-Hwan immediately renders it a masterpiece.

She finds herself unconsciously swaying to the music, studying each scene intently while trying to decipher its story. The overall theme appears to be about loss and longing (well, at least that's what the interview had claimed just a week back), and that's what she sees in the first few seconds with HEIZE, digging up a grave in a cemetery, which soon transitions into a scene with her, holding what appears to be a joyous tea party with a skeleton.

Who is this skeleton supposed to be? What role is it supposed to play in the cinematic? Why is she doing all of these silly things - spoon-feeding colourful Fruit Loops into its immobile mouth that inevitably spill out of his ribcage and onto the floor, dancing with it in the setting sun, treating it so preciously, as if it were _alive_?   
  


_"Even if we love each other, we don't talk together_."   
  


Finally, it clicks. She watches the soloist run towards a figure - a man - standing in the middle of the cemetery with his arms opened wide for an embrace before blacking out to reveal the skeleton in her hold once more.

_"I can't send you away, but I can't keep you, either."_

Seung-Hwan knows it's just a concept. A concept to fit the aesthetic, but everything about this just hits too close home. And when the poignant, melancholic outro plays, Seung-Hwan can't take it any longer.

If this is yet another attempt to shatter her heart into pieces, then congratulations: Yoongi's done it again. 

She cries. She cries and cries until her voice gives out, and can no longer sustain her sobbing.

* * *

Seung-Hwan sees this joke amongst tight-knit fan communities constantly. They like making audacious statements, claiming to be responsible for a certain number of views on music videos as if it were some holier-than-thou achievement that deserved praise.

For her, though, it's not that far of a stretch, even though it rips her heart out of her chest every time. But she does it, anyway - developing a habit of listening to the song in the middle of the night behind a locked door, solitary and alone. She rejoices as the views steadily grow higher and higher and smiles with tear-streaked cheeks at the increasing number of comments littering the video that congratulate Yoongi on a job well done. The fact that he's getting so much praise for his hard work; it's truly what he deserves.

While she knows that the chances of him ever talking about this collaboration are minimal, Seung-Hwan can't help but wonder: what is he thinking when he listens to this song? 

Does he think of her, like she does, too? Did he make use of this project to help him handle the heartbreak? Does he feel better _now_? Or does he still miss her as much as she misses him? 

(Or, maybe not. Maybe it's just better that she shelves this as an unsolvable mystery.)

* * *

It's ridiculous how a one-minute clip could render her speechless, but it does. The nebulous orbs of blue and white, moving in perfect synchronization behind him, and the lighting casting beautiful shadows across and over Yoongi's pale profile makes for a heart-stopping combination. Making him look both deadly and ethereal all at once, like a handsome prince emerging from a fairy tale.

But it's not just his appearance that Seung-Hwan sees.

Seung-Hwan sees him, mouthing the tearful lyrics alongside HEIZE -

(The same lips that had told her, merely one year ago, that he couldn't live like this anymore, hiding their love in fear of backlash. That he couldn't do it anymore. That he couldn't afford to risk it. That it was for both of their sakes.)

She sees his mouth, twitching with glee when Giriboy made his surprise appearance, but it's so shortlived. It ultimately falls, revealing a smile radiating nostalgia and heartbreak at the end when the song reaches its climactic finale -

(The same saddening smile that barely reached the upper half of his face then, but had embraced her and comforted her by saying, "It's not you. It is and will never be you.") 

And his eyes, lined with eyeliner, blinking on occasion; the eyes that look upon the stage with a sense of awe and wonderment - 

(The same damn eyes that she recognized, staring her down pitifully as she fell apart at the seams when they started up that dreaded conversation.)

There goes a saying that " _the eyes are the mirror of the soul, and reflect everything that seems to be hidden; and like a mirror, they also reflect the person looking into them._ " If that quote held any truth at all, then, he must be looking at her, too. 

Because this is a face she recognizes all too clearly.

This is the face of her ex: wistful, plaintive - who just isn't quite over her just yet. 

This is the face of her ex, who still misses her.

Just as much as she misses him.

* * *

_v. "I'm sorry."_

Seung-Hwan's in the hospital. 

Seung-Hwan's in the _fucking hospital_ , because of SBS' incompetence. She fell a good _fucking_ eight feet in the air, completely defenseless, smashing bones in places that he can't even _fathom_ how much pain those fractures would be causing her right now. She's in the _fucking hospital_ on Christmas Day - on a day that should be reserved for loved ones, for festivities and cheer - but she's being wheeled out on a stretcher, immobile, into the back of an ambulance.

And what is he doing? _He's_ here, on stage just before the start of Gayo Daejun, pretending to have a wonderful time when he's ravaged with worry. And there's nothing, Yoongi realizes pathetically just as they wrap up the nights' performance and he's storming into their dressing room, at his absolute wits' end, that he can do to help the situation. 

As he paces the room in agitation, he overhears Ho-Seok speaking to someone in a hushed, concerned voice over the phone, occasionally mumbling phrases like, "I see", "Is she alright?", "How is she doing?" While he should be slightly relieved that they're receiving periodical updates from Seulgi and Joo-Hyun on her condition, Yoongi's also infuriated with himself. This is supposed to be his job. This is what he's supposed to do, isn't it? He's the one who - 

_Oh, no. Wait._

The truth hits him like a slap in the face, and it makes his blood boil even more. In the heat of the moment, he throws his mobile against the wall. The glass shatters, emitting a sickening crunch upon impact as he collapses onto a nearby sofa, burying his face in his trembling hands.

Fuck _everything_. 

For a few long moments, nobody says another word. Their stylists clean up and pack away their supplies in absolute silence. Sejin tries to offer solace in light squeezes and caresses on his shoulder, but his efforts are futile. And it isn't until the voice of reason speaks - Nam-Joon, authoritative and calming - that Yoongi finally finds enough strength and willpower within him to look up and into his eyes. The subdued leader isn't surprised in the slightest to see that the older man's brown orbs are bloodshot. 

"Yoongi- _hyung."_ The tension is near impenetrable. It's almost as if it was only himself and Nam-Joon in the room. "Why the hell are you still hesitating?"

 _Isn't it obvious?_ Yoongi wants to snap, but he doesn't. Having to show so much vulnerability - raw and honest - for one night when he's not used to being this emotionally open is exhausting enough; he doesn't need to burden them any longer. Heaving a sigh, he presses two fingers against his forehead, murmuring shakily, "I just need - a - a moment to m-myself - " 

"No, you don't," Nam-Joon interrupts, his tone firm. Grabbing the older man by the forearm, he attempts to hoist him to his feet, but to no avail. "What _you_ need to do right now is get Sejin- _hyung_ to take you to see Seung-Hwannie."

"Joon, what in the hell are you _saying_?" Is he for real, right now? Telling him to leave his idol responsibilities behind like this? "I can't just up and leave - "

"Stop it with the excuses," the leader presses with an urgency like never before. "We, as a collective, have seen how much you still care about her. Don't try to weasel your way out of it, thinking that we don't notice. And I want you to take heed to my words - and I'm not saying this as the leader. I'm saying this as a close friend and confidant, who cares and wants the best for you. It hurts us just as much to see you beat yourself up, you know?"

"But I - " Yoongi's at a loss for words, staring blankly at the younger man before heaving a sigh. "How can I, after everything?"

To which, Nam-Joon fires back with a question of his own.

"Take a moment to stop lying to yourself, _hyung_ , and ask yourself the more important question here: what is it that _you're_ so afraid of? What's keeping you so reserved? What's stopping you?"

* * *

The truth is, Yoongi has a million answers to that question. Despite his persona as an undaunted rapper, willing to take the necessary risks to call out injustices in the world, he's just one giant sissy, hiding behind the veil of intense rap and a no-holds-barred type of attitude when being put in the spotlight before tens of thousands of people.

In actuality, he's afraid of so many things -

Like, what if she doesn't expect him - _him_ , of all people - to be there?

Or, what if her first reaction upon seeing him is to kick him out? What if she sees his actions - not as caring, but as exploitative? As calculating? What if she tells him that whatever he's trying to do won't work? 

And the worst scenario of all: what if she tells him that it's too late because there's someone else?

(Because, what if she doesn't love him anymore?)

 _What if, what if, what if_ \- it's always the what-ifs that plague him the most. The one attribute in his personality that he loathes the most about himself.

And that's why, when the elevator door pings open to the seventh floor of the private hospital ward and he - clutching a plastic bag with Gong Cha in her favourite flavour - is standing face-to-face with a surprised Seulgi, his legs nearly buckle. His fight-or-flight response nearly kicks into gear, with his composure shattering to near-pieces. He has half the mind to impulsively throw the gift at her feet, with verbal instructions he's prepared to shout ("C-Can you give this to her?") just so that he can flee before he makes a damn fool out of himself.

Seulgi, though, stops him before he has the chance.

It's as if he's reliving through the last half of his conversation with Nam-Joon, because she points out, forthright and direct, "What is it that you're so afraid of, Yoongi- _sshi_?" 

With one sentence, Yoongi finally makes use of better judgment. For once, he doesn't choose the easy way out. 

And when Seung-Hwan - bandaged, bruised but still looking so perfectly imperfect - invites him in, examining his stationary self with a wary, guarded glint to her eyes, he grits his teeth together.

This time, he doesn't run away. This time, he slowly, painstakingly - with blurry eyes and a crestfallen expression - tells her everything that he's wished to say for the longest time.

* * *

"I'm still in love with you."

* * *

And Seung-Hwan - you know what? Seung-Hwan doesn't need it: the _'I'm so sorry's_ ; the _'I fucked up's_ ; the _'I don't expect you to forgive me'_ claims. 

Funnily enough, it's all secondary now. 

She doesn't need the silly apologies that he's stumbling over. And unlike several months back, where they were still recovering from the stupidity of their actions, she doesn't need his silly explanations or reasonings as to why he took the easy way out when faced with adversity anymore. Because it's a two-way street, isn't it? _She_ shares an equal amount of the blame here, too, but she can't get the last word in, with how much he's pouring out to her and into the open.

And she doesn't need this imagery - of him, growing increasingly wretched and grief-stricken over _her -_ because the sight of him like this is never something she wants to ingrain into the back of her mind. If anything, Yoongi deserves nothing else but happiness. Deserves nothing but success. And if he ever were to cry, those precious tears of his should be reserved only for joyous occasions. 

Not this. Never this.

And that's why - despite everything that had left them running around in an endless, vicious circle; despite those desperate moments in the past where Seung-Hwan had clung onto the hope that he would show the tiniest signs of weakness; despite Yoongi firmly believing that he doesn't deserve a second chance - she willingly offers it to him, anyway. 

She doesn't waste another moment to bring her gauze-wrapped hand on top of his, and through a tired, exhausted smile that she has and will always reserve just for him, she murmurs one thing.

* * *

"So am I."

**Author's Note:**

> I was considering the possibility that they wouldn't get back together, but after the Seulmin Hanahaki fiasco from earlier this year, my heart couldn't take so much heartbreak anymore. T_T 
> 
> (Also, yes, [the earring thing actually happened](https://www.koreaboo.com/news/bts-v-finds-red-velvet-wendys-earring-cinderella-story/). Silly Tae. LOL. 
> 
> Wenga is such an underrated ship; I really hope that it gets some more appreciation within the BTVelvet fanbase (hehe). As always, thank you so much for reading. Take care of yourselves, and I hope to see you all very soon! 
> 
> P.S. A shameless plug: If you guys want to talk to me outside of Ao3, please feel free to follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/junqris_)!


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